Top Ten Reasons to Fight For/ Stay Recovered

by Anne-Sophie

in Inspiration

* 1. I want to have children.

If I don’t eat enough, I don’t have my menstrual cycle and therefor I won’t be able to have children. I have always dreamed of being a mom and this was my number one reason for wanting to recover.

2. Life is too precious.

Now that I have had the chance to experience the freedom of letting go off most of my eating disordered behavior, I cannot imagine ever going back. Life is so incredibly fund and full of opportunities and I don’t want to die and miss them.

3. I want to experience feelings, both good and bad.

When I was in my darkest anorexic phase, the only feeling I knew was agony. Now, I know what happiness feels like and what it’s like to be at peace. I don’t achieve these mental states all the time, but when I do, it’s incredible and therefor more than worth to fight.

4. I don’t want to give calories and the scale power over me.

Calories and scales have ruled over my life for way too long. How belittling and ridiculous is it to give things like this so much space and power? I am done with that and I will never again count calories or own a scale. Life is more than that.

5. I want to be a better wife, daughter and sister.

When you’re caught in the vicious cycle of anorexia, all you think about is yourself, at least that’s what it was like for me. I had no energy and therefor sucked at being a wife. I also didn’t really listen to anything other’s told me about and instead constantly counted calories or thought about how much I had to exercise when this conversation was finally over. Now that I don’t spend all my time at the gym, my relationship with my husband is a lot better and I can give him so much more than ever before.

6. I want to use my gifts and talents

Since I’ve started my road to health, I have uncovered a lot of hidden talents and gifts and I’ve been creating a lot of things that I am proud of in the last few months. I would have never done that had I still been so sick and had I still wasted all my energy and thoughts on eating disorder related stuff.

7. Energy

The amount of energy I have now compared to a year ago is incredible. There’s no replacement for the nutritious effect of food on your body and the more you eat the more energy you have and the more you can do, create and love.

8. I deserve to eat, live and love too

I always thought that I only deserved to exist if I was as skinny as possible. Otherwise, I’d be judged and hated. Well, now I know that this is not true and I deserve to be here just like everybody else.

9. Freedom

When you’re eating disordered, everything feels like you’re incarcerated. You live in a prison built by yourself and there’s seemingly no way out. Well, step by step I found my way to freedom and I don’t want to lose it again. Ever. This feeling is just too great to ever give up.

10. I want to have the peace of mind

I am not there yet, but I know that one day I will wake up and just go about my day without giving food another thought until I am hungry. I don’t want to plan my meals and simply eat whenever my body is telling me it’s time. I want to focus entirely on my life’s work and I want to give this all my attention, energy and time.

Anorexia kept me alive for a while. It was a crutch I could use during the hardest years of my life (so far), but now it’s time to finally start living. Having a kilogram more or less won’t ever stop me from doing that again.

What are YOUR reasons for fighting or staying recovered?

*I am participating in the first ever Hungry For Change Blogger Challenge. Throughout the entire month of May, I’ll write one post a day all about the topic of eating disorders.

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Ella May 2, 2012 at 6:41 pm

thats really 10 good reasons why you stay recovered and fight for it!
I wish I could write as much as you – but at the moment I have no energy to make that at all… I use all my energy to survive the day and study. Energy for myself and fighting is not there…

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Anne-Sophie May 3, 2012 at 7:47 am

Hi Ella,

thanks for commenting again. Use your energy wisely and don’t dwell on the fact that you can’t write as much as I am. I couldn’t have done that a year ago either when I was still so very ill. Be kind to yourself and try to give yourself time to relax and take care of yourself and your health. Sending you lots of love.
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Carla May 2, 2012 at 10:24 pm

I’m on the slow, very slow, road to recovery. My energy level is elevated a bit, but my mind is still consumed with food; what to eat, what not to eat, when to eat, how to eat. I look forward to the day I can say differently.

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Anne-Sophie May 3, 2012 at 7:52 am

Hi Carla,

recovery takes time. I still sometimes fight with the same problems you are facing, but don’t give up hope. I have had a huge breakthrough just a couple of days ago and it felt amazing. But I had struggled for weeks to come to this particular point. Give yourself time to heal. xoxo

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Susan Bewley May 14, 2012 at 6:09 pm

That is a wonderful list! It looks very similar to my own list. I keep one on my laptop and my phone to remind me when I am down why I keep going. When things get bad, it is easy to fall on your eating disorder for comfort, especially if you had it for years. One of mine I have is to try getting over some of the destructive thoughts. My worst fear is accidentally encouraging my own future children to have an eating disorder by having a poor image of myself.
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Anne-Sophie May 15, 2012 at 3:36 am

Susan,

yay you! I am so glad you are doing these things and showing that it works and that having a list of reasons or positive affirmations is not just a waste of time. Yes, it is so very important for the days when you forget why you are even bothering to go on.

I share your fear of hurting my future children in the same way that I was hurting for so many years. This is definitely a huge motivator, isn’t it?

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Ree September 27, 2012 at 12:32 am

They are brilliant reasons to fight for! i have to say i am so inspired by your story and am also in the process of trying to recover! could you get in touch with me? xxx ree xxx

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