The honest truth about life with anorexia.
It’s existing, not living.
It’s about missing out on fun.
It’s about missing out on experiences.
It’s about pretending instead of being.
It’s about blaming and not owning.
It’s about living in the shadows instead of stepping out into the sun.
It’s a life not lived.
We don’t talk about these things, do we?
After all, it’s glamorous to have anorexia.
It’s “in” to look emaciated, skeleton-like. It’s a fashion statement to have bones visibly all over your body.
But not only that: Being anorexic is the only way to cope with our life, isn’t it?
We cannot cope with feelings. We don’t deserve to eat. We are not worthy of enjoying life and food. We can only be accepted if we are extremely skinny, otherwise people will see how ugly and disgusting we really are on the inside.
But what about life after an eating disorder? Does it get any better? Do people leave you because you look healthy? Do people judge you because your bones don’t stick out? Do you feel so disgusted by your own body that you’re even more miserable than when you were extremely sick?
I certainly cannot speak for everybody. This would be presumptuous of me and I’d most certainly be wrong. But I can speak for myself and in all honesty, it all gets better.
Sure, there are difficult days. There are weeks when I feel fat, disgusting and unable to cope. But I had those days too when I was terribly thin. So, there is no difference at all.
BUT there are so many more days with bliss, energy, pleasure, delicious food, no exercise, relaxation, fun with my husband and fulfillment with my work.
I look in the mirror and what I see is health. I see a young woman who is vibrant, alive, curvy and ready to take on the world.
I see a transformed girl who is no longer chained by the heartache that living with an eating disorder causes and who does no longer buy into the lies that her brother and the anorexia told her over and over again making her feel worthless.
Life after an eating disorder is not about worrying what the next meal will be and how many calories it will have, but it is about finding your purpose and being on track with just that.
Life after an eating disorder is worth living.
Life with an eating disorder is not.
What are you going to choose?