Today, the voice in my head screams louder than it did in the last 3 or 4 weeks.


I feel fat and bulky and my stomach seems 10 times bigger than yesterday.

Today, I don’t know if I can live with my body, with my thighs, my stomach, my big face. I do not know if it’s just one of those days or if it is the fact that I chose not to work out yesterday. It doesn’t matter, because this feeling stinks.

At the same time, I have been laying awake all night fighting cravings.

It has been months since I last ate a piece of chocolate, something that I allowed myself when I was still taking laxatives.

I really want to eat a Nutella bread again or a toast with Hagelslag or real honey (not the packaged tiny portions) or a bowl of grits with butter or just a plain old piece of milk chocolate.

I am so sick and tired of not allowing myself to eat anything sweet, I really am. But I do not know if I can live with the consequences of indulging in a bread of Nutella.

But I think that I am going to risk it, I think that I will go and buy one of the mentioned delicacies and see how I will feel tomorrow.

Wish me luck and Keep Fighting!

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