Shame

by Anne-Sophie

in Blog

I am sitting on a train to German (once again) and I am sobbing.
My jeans is as tight as never before and I cannot describe the physical pain I feel from that realization.
At the same time, my husband is getting thinner and thinner every single day and this is putting an IMMEASURABLE pressure on myself.
It is crazy and I cannot wait for Thursday to finally have an appointment with a psychologist.
I am so ashamed. The shame I feel is overwhelming. The shame of having gained weight. The shame of gaining weight while my husband is losing weight.
What will people think? How will they judge me? What will they think when they see me the next time?
I am so ashamed. 
Thursday cannot come soon enough.

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Carly February 14, 2011 at 9:39 pm

I hope that people would not judge you badly! The people who know what you are going through, if they notice weight gain, will be happy and PROUD of you for being able to eat enough to put weight on, even though, like you said, it is very hard.

People that don't know you will probably not even notice that you've gained weight. Most strangers do not may much attention to other people, especially just passing by on the street, etc. People can be very self-absorbed, and we are all busy, rushing from one thing to the next. We simply don't pay that much attention.

I am sorry you are in so much pain, and I think it is terrible that you have not been able to get an appointment. Can your other doctors try talking to the psychologists on your behalf?

I saw in another post that you stopped exercising completely. Can you maybe start something small, like basic yoga or even just meditation to relaxation CDs? That can be very relaxing and helpful for anxiety and overcoming the negative thoughts we are so good at.

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Joyfulmom February 14, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Hugs!!

I am proud of you for eating & putting some weight on. I know this is very difficult!

I know the shame feelings! I'm on the other side of the eating problems! I have trouble stopping eating as I've shared this weekend. It's so hard when we feel we've let everyone down & disappointed them. The truth is, we've let ourself & our high & many times unrealistic expectations of ourself down!

I'm continuing to pray for you! Run to God! Tell Him everything! Even the things you're too scared to tell anyone else! It's freeing! It won't take the problem away, but God can help you handle it! He loves you! He made you!

You have lots of friends praying for you, encouraging you & caring for you! We love you & you CAN make it through this!!

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nevrothwen February 15, 2011 at 6:20 am

I can't imagine what you're going through, but know that I'm here for you and support you.

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Sharon268 February 16, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Hugs. Please just know you are loved and you are a wonderful person.
~Sharonruns~

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Anne-Sophie (aka. anneso87) February 28, 2011 at 11:39 am

I love you, ladies. Thans for always being there.

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