Third time is a charm

February 23, 2011

Okay, let us try this post again… Last Thursday was my first therapy session at the Universitätsklinik Zürich and it didn’t go as I expected. It took me such a long time to write this post because I had to come to terms and deal with everything that the doctor said. I had the feeling […]

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OMG! Crystal Renn expresses exactly what I feel.

February 22, 2011

I cannot stop crying because she is putting everything I have everfelt and thought into words. MENTAL TORTURE! It really IS nothing but MENTAL TORTURE. 24/7. Do I have HOPE too? Can’t get enough? Here’s more:Don’t forget to browse the archives!

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New beginning

February 21, 2011

Today is the first day of the new semester and it feels weird to be back in my university.I have been lethargic all day yesterday, crying all night and was in a really bad mood this morning. I am a routine kind of girl. I like routine, I thrive on routine and it is always […]

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… we have to live with the consequences of our choices!

February 19, 2011

… and make the best of it. Well, Andreas and I ate so much of that meat prepared with Cameroonian spices that we were sick on Sunday and Monday. Especially I was the one who felt as sick as never before. I will spare you the details; let’s just say that it wasn’t pretty… Every […]

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February 14, 2011

I am sitting on a train to German (once again) and I am sobbing.My jeans is as tight as never before and I cannot describe the physical pain I feel from that realization. At the same time, my husband is getting thinner and thinner every single day and this is putting an IMMEASURABLE pressure on […]

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February 9, 2011

… and THEN (maybe 15 minutes after I wrote this, I experienced the following: Andreas & Gabrielle Gabrielle (the cute baby girl of on of Joseph’s sisters) had been scared of Andreas from the very first moment she saw him. She screamed as loud as she possibly could every time he came near her […]

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February 8, 2011

I had totally forgotten about this blog post I wrote on the 1st evening in Yaoundé. I wrote it after watching “The Black Swan” while we were relaxing for a couple of hours and will just post it now – more than 3 weeks after I wrote it… But it doesn’t matter since the feelings […]

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2 months…

February 6, 2011

It has been almost 2 months since my scream for help, since I have realized that I was on a very, very dangerous path. Upfront I have to say that I FEEL FAT. I KNOW I am NOT FAT, but I feel fat every single second of the day. I don’t want to eat, but […]

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Just what I needed to be reminded of today.

January 31, 2011

Originally, I was going to start to write about our first few days in Yaoundé (which I know a lot of you want to hear about), but – as I have said this morning – my thoughts are still so scattered that I am having a writer’s block. There is so much to tell, but […]

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January 6, 2011

The outpouring of love, support, understanding and encouragement that I have received after writing about my eating disorder is quite moving and unexpected. I received so many messages on facebook, twitter, via email and in the comments section of the blog that it will take me some time to reply to everybody. But please know […]

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Taking the first and most important step

January 3, 2011

A few weeks ago, I FINALLY admitted to myself and to the people around me that I have an eating disorder and that I have had it for about 14 years or so. It is a shameful thing to admit. There are different causes of anorexia. I never thought that I looked too fat or […]

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