Having an eating disorder means having a severe lack or even a complete deficiency of self-love. We hate everything about ourselves, our bodies and our lives.
We cannot understand how people would even want to be around us and we can hardly stand living with ourselves. Engaging in eating disordered behavior is a way of numbing ourselves and our feelings in order to temporarily stop this disgusting state of mind.
There are a number of reasons for this kind of self-hatred, too many to go into at this point. But, no matter how severe your hatred for your life, body and soul is, there is always a way to come back to a place of self-love.
I believe that one of the keys to recovery is developing this kind of love in order to be in harmony with yourself again and able to sit with your feelings, your thoughts and your body without going crazy.
Love is the answer, even if it sounds cheesy.
My favorite verse about love is the following. I know it by heart and I am hoping it will inspire you to start the journey towards gaining back the love you once had for yourself. You are worthy of it, even if you can’t believe me yet.
1 Corinthians 13
2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.