In a few short minutes, I’ll head out the door and take a train to visit my sister. I haven’t seen her in a while and I am super excited to spend tonight and tomorrow morning with her.
Why am I telling you this?
Well, the thing is that this is a huge step for me. Not only will I cook with her tonight, but we will also do brunch with our mom tomorrow. You see in the past this would have freaked me out. I would have to up my abuse of laxatives and the night at my sister’s would have been nothing short of a nightmare with cramps and shame.
I would have been extremely tense throughout our conversations and especially during dinner and brunch. My thoughts would not follow the conversation, they’d add up calories over and over again guessing how much that slice of bread or the bowl of noodles had.
Today, however, the situation is completely different.
I am excited about tonight. I am looking forward to brunch tomorrow and I cannot wait to have a girl’s night out with my baby sister. It’s going to be a much needed break of routine and I will enjoy every single moment of it. I’ve been going through the motions, although completely fulfilled for a while now doing the same stuff every single day. I know that that is life and I am not complaining, but I’ve been longing for a break, a tiny occasion to reinvigorate and get a new perspective. I couldn’t have wished for more than to link that with a new challenge in recovery.
I am not scared anymore. I am not filled with eating disordered thoughts. I am not paranoid with the idea that I’ll come home weighing more than before.
I am just thrilled to live like “normal” people.
That’s why recovery is so very awesome!