Alone at the Sanatorium

by Anne-Sophie

in Blog

With all that has been going on, I did not even have the time to tell you what has been going on with my health.
The situation with Amy affected me in such a way that I lost 6 pounds from Thursday to Friday and I am now at a critical weight again. 
As an anorexic, the first thing you do when you cannot deal with a situation or when something bad happens, you stop eating. 
Now, I tried my best and asked for all the help I could get possibly get; I forced myself to eat as much as possible, but – objectively seen – it was not much, not much at all. 
Of course, I was devastated on Friday morning, called my father sobbing, talked to my therapists crying my tears out, because I am working so hard and this is the result I get.
I was so mad at myself, so horribly, horribly disappointment and ashamed of myself. Why can’t I just be “normal”? 



I had planned on spending the weekend at home, had been looking forward to finally have some time with my husband again, but the doctors and the team advised me strongly to stay here. 
So,  I spent my very first weekend here in Kilchberg & I was only one of 3 patients on my station. Last night, I was even alone and I have to admit, I quite enjoyed it. I needed the calm, the “ME time” and the comfort of the silence. I loved having my room for myself. 


However, I spend all day yesterday with my husband. He came over at around 9am and we had breakfast together here at the clinic. It was wonderful and felt so good to have him visit the ward and be part of it for a while. My spirit was definitely uplifted. 
He brought me those beautiful flowers. Aren’t they just gorgeous? The color is amazing, isn’t it? 


He was there for me all day long, running errands and helping me to distract my thoughts. And the best part is that he will be here again in just a few minutes. :) 

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Lea May 1, 2011 at 10:55 am

Hugs! That's a normal reaction to grief! Just make sure you talk & talk & talk with your therapists! For me, my weight goes up when I'm distressed. But if I talk instead of hide, I usually stay more even. So know you aren't alone in your struggles. Even though I'm on other end of the spectrum, emotions affect my eating/weight negatively!

So glad your hubby is coming to be with you! There's just something about having them support us that soothes the soul!

Just know that I love you Hon! And I am praying for you!!

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FredFromLongIsland May 1, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Hang in there! Even in the best of circumstances, I can understand stress causing a loss of appetite. I'm sure this will turn around as the days go on. The important thing is to stick with your program the best you can, take in all the love and support you are getting from husband, family, and friends, and keep feeding yourself with positive messages from whatever sources you can. Hang in there! :-) Also, high marks to your husband for doing a great job!

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