The situation with Amy affected me in such a way that I lost 6 pounds from Thursday to Friday and I am now at a critical weight again.
As an anorexic, the first thing you do when you cannot deal with a situation or when something bad happens, you stop eating.
Now, I tried my best and asked for all the help I could get possibly get; I forced myself to eat as much as possible, but – objectively seen – it was not much, not much at all.
Of course, I was devastated on Friday morning, called my father sobbing, talked to my therapists crying my tears out, because I am working so hard and this is the result I get.
I was so mad at myself, so horribly, horribly disappointment and ashamed of myself. Why can’t I just be “normal”?
I had planned on spending the weekend at home, had been looking forward to finally have some time with my husband again, but the doctors and the team advised me strongly to stay here.
So, I spent my very first weekend here in Kilchberg & I was only one of 3 patients on my station. Last night, I was even alone and I have to admit, I quite enjoyed it. I needed the calm, the “ME time” and the comfort of the silence. I loved having my room for myself.
However, I spend all day yesterday with my husband. He came over at around 9am and we had breakfast together here at the clinic. It was wonderful and felt so good to have him visit the ward and be part of it for a while. My spirit was definitely uplifted.
He brought me those beautiful flowers. Aren’t they just gorgeous? The color is amazing, isn’t it?
He was there for me all day long, running errands and helping me to distract my thoughts. And the best part is that he will be here again in just a few minutes.