015 Fighting Anorexia – My Parents’ Expectations and Finding My Voice

by Anne-Sophie

in Podcast

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In this episode of Fighting Anorexia, I share how my parents’ expectations shaped my life and my decisions and how I struggled to fulfill their hopes and dreams. Only now am I able to realize that their dreams are not my dreams and I am beginning to understand that I can find my own voice and go my own way, even if it means that my parents might be disappointed in me.
This is an important step for me in order to beat anorexia since my eating disorder got worse every time I neglected my own dreams for my parents’ expectations.

If you would like to leave me some feedback, you can mail it to feedback@fightinganorexia.com

You can follow me on twitter: @anneso87

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Jo Kay December 11, 2011 at 11:39 am

Hi Anne-Sophie (I should i just call you Anne?)
I’ve been wanting to email/comment for a while now, having found your podcasts on itunes just about a week ago, and i’ve gradually been working my way through them, as well as reading your blog.
Gosh..where to start…you are so easy to listen to :o) You have such passion and sincerity in your voice, and your openness and honesty feels so refreshing..and i can’t tell you how many times I’ve related exactly to what you are saying…the time that you went to the large Mass and then the photo you took that changed your mood entirely and ruined the day for you…OMG..that kinda thing happens to me so often, and it feels like such a disappointment, and it’s so confusing and frustrating and hard not to beat yourself up. I’ve dressed up for events (not for years now), felt happy and thought I didn’t look terrible, and then the photos/video have just made my stomach turn over..”how could i have gone out looking like that?”, “what was i thinking?”, “how could i have not seen how grosse i looked?”
But rather than ramble on incessantly, which i can do very well :o)…i thought i’d at last make my first comment after this particular blog post, probably cos it struck me, not that i wasn’t unaware…how much my parents didn’t seem to have any expectations at all! This i believe led to a feeling of them just not caring…they loved me, i never doubted that, but they didn’t know me, they didn’t understand me..and i never felt pressure or motivation from them to study or do well. I was just left to my own devices to much i think..i always had this feeling that they didn’t know what to do with me, my sister was self-motivated but i just watched loads of telly and didn’t try in school…i could’ve done much better…but i don’t think i have regrets as such, cos their is no point.
It was just interesting to hear about expectation, and it made me think, which is what your podcasts always do :o) I have my own values, which are so different to my familiy’s, and i like that i’m different, although it’s hard to feel so alien.
I have expectations of myself, and constantly beat myself up, through misusing food and laxatives, starving and dehydrating myself…it’s such a vicious circle.
It’s hard not to have others voices in your head though…when i start anything new, I always wonder what others will think, but it’s the people in my head who don’t get me, that my mind automatically goes to, rather than the supportive people around me.
Anyhoo…tis interesting…sorry to ramble…i like to write, and find it impossible to be brief.
I’m gonna go comment on your previous podcast now..as a good therapist is so key in the recovery process and i want to share my experience.
Thank you for starting your podcast. I think you are remarkably brave…recovery is such a terrifying road to go down and sharing it with the world is a wonderful thing to do.
Warmest of wishes to you.
Jo xx

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Anne-Sophie December 18, 2011 at 3:49 pm

My dearest Jo,
THANK YOU for your amazing, honest and brave comment.
I always feel so sad when I hear listeners tell me that they can relate (it is a bit of a contradiction, I know) because I don’t want anybody else to go through this hell.
I am sorry to hear that your parents don’t understand you and never have. I went to therapy with my mom the other week and it went really well. Maybe we should just try to explain what we are going through in a “safe environment”. Don’t regret what you did or didn’t do in school; it is only such a tiny part of life and doesn’t dictate who you are or what you will achieve.
Can I help you in any way reducing what you do to your body and to yourself? I would love to be there for you (if you want). I am convinced that you will be able to get back on track and get rid of your eating disorder. It is so hard, but so worth it.
I wish we had a turn off button, in order to stop the voices in our heads. I have learned that people don’t think about us as much as we think they do. People go about their own lives. WE have to be OK with who we are and when we achieve this state, we won’t care what others may or -most likely- may not think.
Don’t be sorry about writing a bit more, you made my day. You really have. I love hearing from my listeners, so please keep sharing. You are helping a lot of others who are only “lurking” ;).

Lots of love,
Anne-Sophie

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